"These kids are all fat. I remember when you were in little league.... You were fat."

28-year-old Justin lives with his 78-year-old father. His twitter account lists all the stuff his dad says. Funny shit.


"You need to flush the toilet more than once...No, YOU, YOU specifically need to. You know what, use a different toilet. This is my toilet."
1:07 PM Aug 23rd from web

"Don't touch the bacon, it's not done yet. You let me handle the bacon, and i'll let you handle..what ever it is you do. I guess nothing."
11:15 AM Aug 22nd from web

"Your mother made a batch of meatballs last night. Some are for you, some are for me, but more are for me. Remember that. More. Me."
8:57 AM Aug 21st from web

"Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn't stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down."
9:35 AM Aug 20th from web

"It's watering plants, Justin. You just take a God damned hose and you put it over the plant. You don't even pay rent, just do it. Shit."
9:56 AM Aug 14th from web

The dog is not bored, it's a fucking dog. It's not like he's waiting for me to give him a fucking rubix cube. He's a god damned dog."
10:43 AM Aug 18th from web